i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
