Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
