I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
