It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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