I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
