Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
