Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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