so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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