I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
