Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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