Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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