so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
