Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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