Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
