here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
