I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
