Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
