If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
