Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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