So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Houston, we have a blender
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize