Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Never joke about your clitoris.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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