girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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