I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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