seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
