i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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