I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
