I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
