I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
