You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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