That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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