how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
