eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
