She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
