I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
