You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
