i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
