you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
