I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
