we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
