Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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