this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
