last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
