Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
