bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
two words...techno handjob
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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