so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
