Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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