i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
