tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
