what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
