I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this is an emotional support booty call
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
