I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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