11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
