You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
