at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
