Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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