You just made me feel so damn special
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
