You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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