It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you didnt know i had herpes?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
