I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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