I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
