Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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