I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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