hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're a waste of cheezeits
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
