Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
