my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
