I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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