there's paper in my vomit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
