It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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