Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
