i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
