He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
