sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
