there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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