I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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