what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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