Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
