he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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