i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
