I am puke
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
