real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
