that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
