90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
