Do you still have your period?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
