So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This toilet bowl is my home.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
