I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
