I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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