this beer tastes like vomit already
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
