Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
